Sunday, August 30, 2009

83 days of gratitude on the wall...

of late
has been getting under my skin

or perhaps poking
tugging at my thoughts

i have posted about this feeling
now realizing over the last few months
we have all written about it

why is that?

sure that my mother had these moments
which likely went
undetected by others
as she vacuumed
washed dishes
or forgot one or another of us
behind on a playdate

(before playdates were invented)

yet still wondering
how can it be that our lives
with all our differing circumstance
have one thing in common?


reading bedtime stories
(a dictionary of mythical creatures
lovely pictures alongside
disinformation about the
much maligned medusa)

we came across pan

'rocky hills and green valleys
meadows and woodlands
olive groves, wild grapevines
and sparkling streams

this was the domain of pan

even though he was a god
pan was very lonely
sometimes he was overcome with despair
and simply sat in a dark cave
howling like a wounded animal

...anyone who heard them was
by a terrible fear known as

and online

' "pertaining to pan,"
the god of woods and fields
who was the source of mysterious sounds that caused
contagious groundless fear
in herds and crowds
or in people in lonely spots'

how is it
that we are
a herd
a crowd
yet still lonely?

where are the days
of beating laundry against stones
singing together

as we beat out the
dirt of life
along with fear

now we
type type type

across the miles
while our neighbor weeps

i hear it in the trees
and wish the
late summer wind
would sweep through us
i wish fear
could be carried


ms moon
speaks of communion
and i wonder
what more sacred
gift than a
collective breath

and out

and with it
all that keeps us apart
all that makes
howl along with pan's
lonely dirge

i think on these things
and know
it will be

i am here to witness
or my children
or my children's children

it will be
and i feel gratitude

one day
the crooked places
will be made straight

Friday, August 28, 2009

84 days of gratitude on the wall...

sidewalk socrates

freestyle philosopher


barrio burrows

epistolary emissary


i wouldn't even mind
if you were
whatever you are
you wear it well

i could stand to learn a bit
about hustling

i'm grateful to have
met you

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

85 days of grattude on the wall...

people give their lives
to make straight
what appears
a very
crooked path

kind hearts
sweet smile
passing through shadows
in the end

a gentle breeze
lifts the veil
all struggle
strainings strivings cease

folding into
fresh air
cool water
warm cradling earth

gratitude for
those who
give their lives

to those who mourn
their loved one

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

86 days of gratitude on the wall...

i've had enough
of fucking
fiddlesticks and poppycock

and ready
to exit stage left

praying the
image held
before morning
opened eyes

moving forward
seas parting

dreams can be
funny things
by the light of day

in pieces
out of focus

children are
fuel and inspiration
parenthood slows progress
destination divination

praying that
i may hold
that image
the ship that will
take us away

for my dreams

gratitude for a ship
and a star
to sail her by

Friday, August 21, 2009

87 days of gratitude on the wall...

i stumbled across
an artist who once
moved my days

chalking secrets
on the sidewalks of
new york

por todo

a chain letter
via email

i thought twice
about posting this
wondering if the choice is akin
to justifying war

or the success of
one person over another
by quoting
hebrew scripture

as the hindu goddess of
wealth prosperity
light wisdom
fortune fertility
generosity and courage

the embodiment of
beauty grace and charm

i humbly doubt
would begrudge me
the petition

may i be granted a
mere drop in the bucket
of any of those blessings

Money Coming Your Way

This is a Money Goddess Lakshimi.
Pass it to 6 of your good friends
or family and be rich in 4 Days.

Pass it to 12 of your good friends
or family and be rich in 2 Days.

I am not joking.
You will find an unexpected windfall.

here's hoping at least six folks
are reading this
(12 would be even better)

today my
is that i still have
a dollar and
a dream

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

88 days of gratitude on the wall...

i gave up long ago
on being
the favorite auntie

too weird
i know nothing of animae
don't follow gossip girls
or idols
or fergie

the best auntie?
only if gauged by
intentions prayer honesty
only if mistakes are allowed

the mistake of never
remembering the actual
date of their birth


i think someone was born twelve
years ago today
and another birthday
is around the corner,
but isn't that always the truth

today we're all grateful for
happy healthy
nephews cousins

may all your wishes
come true

Monday, August 17, 2009

89 days of gratitude on the wall...

i will be honest

i mostly hate writing these gratitude posts
too much inside me
storm brewing tide turning
wanting to scream from the rooftops

disgusted with the banality
i fearfully mirror

yet i hold hope that i will find some peace
at the end of 100 days

with 88 posts to go
(the number of transformation repeated for clarity)
i give thanks for a second chance
and holler praise for mini me
my peanut

her name translates as
my valor comes from
the source of all power

by GOD
that is who she is

it is her time now
she visits with alice
on the other side of the looking glass

spending her day with magical beings
speaking languages
which have almost become
babel to my ear

remembering who i once was
the spooky girl
i learned to dismiss

so like me
she imagines politicians
look mommy, he's in jail now

officiating as dressy bessy marries
her robot prince

creating endless wardrobe options
for her wee friends

once upon a time
i too
wore evening gowns
to run in the park

she is
my second chance

without the intention of forcing her hand
rather knowing seeing
already she is cast out
as she leans away from the crowd

classmates mock
her knowing
rose red and snow white
are one
she just feels different
on different days

they tell
my beautiful angel
she cannot be a
you have a scar on your face

today still strong
her star bright

can i allow her to be?
watch her back
surround her with community
that yet believes in
gifts from god
the sort of power
to which her name

i guard her wonder
at things not seen
but can i do this without alienating
us both?

i will be honest

i hold such fear that bad handling
poor parenting
wrong choices will condemn this
little beauty
to the dark night
wrestling with angels

even knowing
there is still time to

i am grateful for
this second chance
to know it is always
the outcasts who
transform the world

i am grateful
for you
and to you

Thursday, August 13, 2009

90 days of gratitude on the wall...

today i am grateful
by the stuff dreams are made of

shelter island

time away from troubles
salty houses
sweet company


days of mommies

silly songs
and validation
for the good choices we make
the hard work we do

that i am not crazy

i gladly return that sobriquet
to the world
which so deserves it
no thank you
i've had enough

beautiful ladies who
tilt their heads
and tip their hats to
another mother's laughter and tears

oh so very grateful
for time away
and for the
shelter of friends

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

91 days of gratitude on the wall...

gratitude for
my wonderment
my firstborn
my manchild

i borrow from shakespeare

his face was as the heavens

and therein stuck
a sun and moon
which kept their course
and lighted
the little O, the earth

his legs bestrid the ocean
his rear'd arm
crested the world
(at least my world)

his voice was propertied
as all the tuned spheres
and that to friends

but when he meant to quail and shake the orb
he was as rattling thunder

only a mother can love that part

for his bounty
there was no winter in't

an autumn 'twas

that grew the more by reaping

his delights
were dolphin-like

in his livery
walk'd crowns and crownets
realms and islands were
as plates dropp'd from his pocket

think you there was
or might be
such a man
as this I dream'd of?

no one sees a child's
true beauty
like a mother

plus he kicks some serious
kung fu ass

gratitude for my

Monday, August 3, 2009

92 days of gratitude on the wall...


yes, those are caps
perhaps the first i have felt
in my bones
since making the 100 day commitment

gratitude that somewhere inside
there is a room

posted over the door:
no sadness
no judgement
no loneliness, bitterness, brick walls

i'm 17 again
a driver's license
a car-full of girlfriends
my god-given tan

that in my 17-year-old's room
blue, blue, electric blue...
there is still space for a sister's smile
(as well as squiring tears)

her soundtrack is different
her friends are different
her life is different

but the first beats of
her song make me
think of mine

must be the good genes, mostly


Sunday, August 2, 2009

93 days of gratitude on the wall...

today i am grateful
for proverbs
little mantras guide me through the day

one man's trash is
another man's treasure

i take what is old
and make it new

shirts dresses ribbons
personal myths

though today brings
so much trouble finding the treasure

my stomach in knots
these trembling hands
9:35 and a whole day to survive

my stomach roils
while painful castigation
dances in my head

any story sounds true
until someone tells the other side
and sets the record straight

tremors move to my chest
i focus on the fabric
the fabric
keep the scissors on the fabric

there must be something here
for which i am grateful


ghetto sounds
i hear young mothers next door
screaming at their babies

but for the grace of god
go i

if one is unable
by circumstance
or resource

to step back, calm the voice
stay their hand
make it to the next moment
without doing harm

ill equipped
over the din
not hearing the limbic
begging for

right breath right livelihood right action

are they not still a mighty work
a precious jewel
a treasure?

are the poor in spirit

over and over
in my mind

while my hands cut
one man's trash

someone shops for the spanking new
aisles and aisles
made in china


i cannot judge my relation
i walk two moons in his moccasins

suffering cosmic arrows
sometimes having the courage
to pick ourselves up
dust ourselves off

sometimes not

even those most revered for their faith
in fearful moments shake a fist at the
clear blue expanse

my god
have you forsaken me?

the conjoined twins of
fear and anger
distract so efficiently
turning attention from blessings

must move toward
taking out the trash
unveiling treasure


we can know only as much divinity
as exists within us

today i am grateful
for proverbs
little mantras
guiding me through the day