Monday, August 17, 2009

89 days of gratitude on the wall...

i will be honest

i mostly hate writing these gratitude posts
too much inside me
storm brewing tide turning
wanting to scream from the rooftops

disgusted with the banality
i fearfully mirror

yet i hold hope that i will find some peace
at the end of 100 days

with 88 posts to go
(the number of transformation repeated for clarity)
i give thanks for a second chance
and holler praise for mini me
my peanut

her name translates as
my valor comes from
the source of all power

by GOD
that is who she is

it is her time now
she visits with alice
on the other side of the looking glass

spending her day with magical beings
speaking languages
which have almost become
babel to my ear

remembering who i once was
the spooky girl
i learned to dismiss

so like me
she imagines politicians
look mommy, he's in jail now

officiating as dressy bessy marries
her robot prince

creating endless wardrobe options
for her wee friends

once upon a time
i too
wore evening gowns
to run in the park

she is
my second chance

without the intention of forcing her hand
rather knowing seeing
already she is cast out
as she leans away from the crowd

classmates mock
her knowing
rose red and snow white
are one
she just feels different
on different days

they tell
my beautiful angel
she cannot be a
you have a scar on your face

today still strong
her star bright

can i allow her to be?
watch her back
surround her with community
that yet believes in
gifts from god
the sort of power
to which her name

i guard her wonder
at things not seen
but can i do this without alienating
us both?

i will be honest

i hold such fear that bad handling
poor parenting
wrong choices will condemn this
little beauty
to the dark night
wrestling with angels

even knowing
there is still time to

i am grateful for
this second chance
to know it is always
the outcasts who
transform the world

i am grateful
for you
and to you


  1. I have nothing to say because you just said it all so perfectly.
    That girl is a rock star
    just like her mama!

  2. Don't you dare second guess allowing her to be herself. You can't please everyone, and certainly not by being something other than true.

  3. Don't you dare worry about your parenting skills or mishandling this beautiful child. Ever. You are raising her in love and in light and with compassion. That's it. We all make little mistakes but you will never make any of the big ones.

  4. Wow. That's some intense mama writing. Your girl is gorgeous and the words that flow from you match.

  5. how much your comments mean to me.

    i have been floundering; looking for my voice again, trying to pull myself out of the mire of depression as well as the overwhelm we all experience as sensitive people in this mad, mad, mad, mad world.

    i feel like i may be coming back.
    thanks ladies.